Countdown Begins.

So begins the start of my countdown. No. not my death, well I guess you could classify it that way. What I meant was today is when I start counting days until school. Thirty-three days from now. Many things are spinning about my mind right now at 2:30AM on July 30th. My thoughts of the evening slowly progressed from my assigned summer reading to household chores needed to be done, motivations for the coming school year to what I want to do with my life, and finally the ever disease plaguing teenagers across America; insomia.

First on that list is my assigned summer reading. I've completed the first book. It should hardly be considered a book. It was onlyabout 100 pages and twenty of those pages were large space consuming pictures. It's highlighted and partially annotated. Three or four days ago, I started the book that would most likely take up the mjority of my time to read; Grapes of Wrath. My plan was to read at least 50 pages each day to finish the book in about ten days. I skipped that obligation yesterday, my second day of reading. Today, I tried to read 100 pages to make up for that skip but only managed to read 50 pages. I'm easily distracted and I think that's due to the fact that my room is a mess. I also have a whole list of things on my mind that I want to do.

On those two notes -my messy room and my mental list. I have a knack for not keeping my environment organized and clean. I don't know why though. I know what I have to do and how to do it but I simply don't. A word that comes to mind when I think about it now is... lazy. It's a vice that I want to break but I'm not sure how. Lately, I've been able to take better care of myself than I ever had before during summer breaks. I brush and shower more often - I know, odd to hear that coming from a girl. I think I'm just overwhelmed by how large that list is. I need to laundry my sheets, clean my desk, organize my shelves, take out the trash, fold the clean laundry, and pick my nose. Add the already long list of book reading and textbook questions that I've burdened myself with and you have a very overwhelmed girl. I guess forgetting what needs to be done is another way for me to release.

I also want to do EXTREMELY well this coming school year. I did fine last year. I use the term fine loosely because after a very devastating break up during midterms (Yes, seven months later I'm still very devastated) I sort of lost focus for my second semester and did badly. OK, I didn't do so bad, I got a 3.95 GPA but only because the B's I got were mostly in Honors/AP classes. Also, because of my very traumatizing incident, I lost all motivation to do well on my SAT subject tests and AP test. Yes, I do attribute and blame my lack of effort to study to the broken relationship. It's not his fault. It was mine. I shouldn't have let it effect me as much as I did. But what can you do?

Another thing that has been bothering me is what I want to do with my life. When I make my career choice its often for many different reasons. Right now, I'm on the line of two different career paths. Originally, the medical field was where I was headed. I felt and still feel that the only reason why I'm pursuing this is beacause at such a young age, I was brain washed into thinking I wanted this for myself. Now, I'm not quite sure who's voice it is telling me that I want to have an occupation in the medical field. I think the two reasons why I would want to be in the medical field is because one, the pay and two, I want to feel accomplished by proving to doubters that I could do it. I'm not entirely sure if those are good reasons but I'm ambitious. The other career path is somewhere in the business field. I've thought about getting a degree in business in order to work for a major corporation, primarily in the entertainment industry. But I'm not so sure... The only reason I would want to be a business woman is for all the hook ups... Again, not such a legitatmate reason. Which is why I'm back at the medical field occupation. I've decided, for a second time, that I want to be a surgeon and to pay for medical school I'm going to join the army. It's a bit ballsy but I've been known to be a bit unorthodox when it came to following the path my mother placed in front of me. If I get acceoted to USC's medical school, my first choice school, I could pursue a MD/MBA but I'm not sure what that means for my academic courses in undergraduate years. It's a bit ways off but it never killed anyone to be prepared.

Next, insonmia. I thought I had cured it a few days ago when I started to head to bed earlier then usual. Then progressively as the days and nights continued, I slowly started to slip an hour extra to the hours I spent up. 12AM became 1AM then 1AM became 2AM and so forth. Right now its 3:11AM. The latest I've stayed up. I should just go to bed early so I wake up earlier.

Well. This is the start. Day 33.